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lotesseflower

Hallo Yulegoat!

Sep. 29th, 2016 | 02:30 am
music: Britney Spears, "Lucky"

Dear Yuletide author,

'lo there! Thanks so much in advance for writing for me this year!

some introductory chit-chatCollapse )

BSG 78 (Apollo, Adama)Collapse )

The 10th Kingdom (Wolf, Virginia)Collapse )

Chocolat (Anouk, Vianne)Collapse )

Indiana Jones (Indy, Marion)Collapse )

Thanks again for writing for me this year; I will love any story that you make for me <3

This entry was originally posted at http://lotesse.dreamwidth.org/368078.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
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lotesseflower

whatever title suit

Sep. 29th, 2016 | 02:24 am

This election is turning into the Vorrutyer inheritance plot from A Civil Campaign - Trump has to win, or else the law is going to be free to take him down. And he's not going to win. Between the "charitable giving" and the tax evasion and the non-payment and now apparently the deals with still-under-embargo Cuba, someone is going to have to get something to stick. As it is, I gather the Trump kids are mad about the negative impact dad's campaign is having on business.

This entry was originally posted at http://lotesse.dreamwidth.org/367660.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

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lotesseflower

whatever title suit

Sep. 25th, 2016 | 12:11 am

... how tf is the 1995 Pride and Prejudice a yuletide fandom? P&P fic is its own damn industry, and the characterization from the Firth/Ehle film is imo quite dominant.

This entry was originally posted at http://lotesse.dreamwidth.org/367437.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

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lotesseflower

whatever title suit

Aug. 26th, 2016 | 02:57 pm

It is probably not un-connected to the interior work I've been doing the last few weeks that I am also deep into a re-engagement with Madeleine L'Engle, who was my guiding star in childhood and who i have not read for near a decade now. I'm starting with the Murry-O'Keefe stuff, which was always the most important to me, but I maybe have to reread all of it - it's been too long on the Katherine Vigneras books, for sure, and maybe this time around I might like Troubling A Star.

Hard rec on the L'Engle-narrated audiobooks, btw. She has a lovely grandmotherly voice and great readerly affect.

I thought I'd do a post on each of the books, if people want to come talk? And I'm gonna push myself through some of the small fic I've been doing, see if I can successfully put work out sometime here. I miss putting out little fic on a more regular basis, I keep hoarding it all up into these big projects that take forever instead.

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lotesseflower

whatever title suit

Aug. 26th, 2016 | 04:09 am
music: Vienna Teng

the rest of the inner-child stuff, at least for nowCollapse )

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lotesseflower

whatever title suit

Aug. 18th, 2016 | 01:15 pm

my internet went out @12:30 last night and finally I just gave up and went to bed -- feeling hella discombobulated this morning

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lotesseflower

whatever title suit

Aug. 14th, 2016 | 09:21 pm

Ok, more about the inner child stuff - I'm gonna write in chronological order, because I don't have another way to make sense of the matter as of yet.

We were doing an exercise. I was answering a sequence of five questions in order to build a picture of myself at the spirit level. The task was to listen to what I knew in my heart and tell the truth.Collapse )

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lotesseflower

a history of my life as a spiritualist

Aug. 14th, 2016 | 05:42 pm

(i don't know why i'm writing any of this; i'm going to post instead of deleting bc i want to be able to look back later and see if i can get a better grip on what's been going on in my head.)

losing/regaining my religionCollapse )

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lotesseflower

whatever title suit

Aug. 8th, 2016 | 05:54 pm

It is too dry and too bright; I would sell my soul just now for a cloudy day

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lotesseflower

whatever title suit

Aug. 5th, 2016 | 08:54 pm

Okay, after that introductory blather: I'm working on dealing with my angry inner child.

The woman I'm working with practices shiatsu, but I don't actually know what the lineage of the program we're doing is; we've been talking about Campbell, a bit, some kind of Jungian thing, she's sort of Caroline Myss-y. She helps me protect and elevate a space where I can be honest about the things that I know in my spirit. I like working with her, because she lets me use my own words and images, and I feel like when I tell her no or want to adjust understandings she listens and quickly groks my objections. She praises me for being brave. It's nice.

The last few years, I've been haunted by this sense of my inner child. A lot of the inner-child stuff that's out there is about accepting the child, or forgiving the child, but I've had the opposite problem: I see my child self as a blaze of power, and I'd been feeling like I'd gone and killed her, her pale ghost would show up sometimes to rub my nose in what I'd done. We're angry at me for losing ground to stupid stereotypical enmeshment with a man; we were supposed to be better than that. She's a snob, really, thinks we have to be held to a higher standard.

So at this point I guess I've got help to break through some of the frozen horrified paralysis I'd been experiencing when I'd seen myself as her murderer, and she and I are maybe going to have a bit of a fight now? Hopefully it will be one of those productive ones where things get hashed out, and I'm hoping it will help me understand why I've been experiencing so much self-perpetuating emotional pain.

I will write more about the child's anger, what language she uses and what I think she might really be angry about underneath, later, but this is all I can do for tonight. It's been awfully hot here the last few days, and the north wind didn't roll in last night until after 4 am, so of course I didn't sleep, haven't slept. Starting an essay on A Wizard of Earthsea, which is, you know, apt. Rereading Le Guin's excellent "The Child and the Shadow" first.

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